How to survive with twins?
Surviving with twins made easier
When thinking of surviving with twins, a common thread families talk about is the ratio. The ratio of 2-1 often overwhelms new parents of twins. It seems the sheer logistics of this reality are not manageable.
What I have learned over the past 15 years can be summarised in 2 simple sentences:
It’s not about giving every child the same, it’s about giving each what they need. The pressure of always giving twins the same can drive a parent mad. The pressure of giving twins the same amount of food, the same attention, the same toys, the same quantity of hugs- can drive a parent mad.
Always do your best. Your best isn’t perfect. It is what you can do emotionally, physically, and logistically. And it changes moment to moment, day to day. Striving for sameness and perfection isn’t only exhausting, it also does not serve your purpose. By purpose I refer to what all parents strive for: letting their children know they are loved.
So How DO You Survive with Twins…
What you need and want isn’t necessarily what your sibling does. What makes you happy could easily infuriate another. Recognsing what each twin, and you(!), needs at any given moment helps defuse the ongoing pressure of keeping things fair and equal, and identify what you can do for them at this particular moment. It acknowledges your current capacity to support them, and sends an empowering message to your twins that you see and understand them, individually, and want to give them what they need.
When we know what our best is, twins know their needs are going to be met, and they will compare less with what their twin receives, or what they don’t. We are more compassionate with ourselves, as they learn that we know what they want and need. They can then focus on who they are and what is important to them, and build a relationship with us rather than within their twin’s orbit.
Breaking the template of “equal = fair” liberates parents to focus on what matters. It allows them to channel their energy into loving their twins in the way they need, and not feeling they are in a constant chase to please, maintain fairness and equality.
If you need help with your twins behaviour, book a parental guidance appointment below, or find out more in a free 15-min discovery call today.