Twins' Independent Identities

Helping twins develop Independent identities

We all want to feel our unique and special twinkle. To feel empowered and proud for who we are, what we can do, and see our impact on the world. To know there is no one else just like us, that we are one of a kind, amazing, magnificent and worthy.

Twins often miss out on this experience. Growing up in the orbit of another person can make this somewhat unattainable, and it can be harder to develop an independent identity.

When comparisons are made at how we walk, behave, think, communicate, express our feelings or even look - a deeply rooted idea that we only matter, or can only be seen, in the light of another, can take a very strong hold in our psyche.

When twins hear how their sister is faster, their brother is more patient, they are more daring, or more scared - they get an idea of a role they have in relation to another person. They might be slow. That’s ok. We all have our own pace. They might be very daring. That’s ok too, we all have our particulate sense of adventure.

Yet there’s a difference between observing a child is naturally cautious, and telling them they aren’t as brave as someone else. Or saying they are a deep sleeper instead of saying they are a deeper sleeper than their same-age sibling.

No one is like another. We all have a unique blueprint we come into this world with. Seeing a person in relation to their twin can be belittling, intimidating, and leave them feeling they lack something. They shouldn’t be made to feel they aren’t fast enough, aren’t social enough, aren’t strong enough, or aren’t patient enough - simply because someone else is doing it differently.

The truth is, they aren’t. There’s no one right way to be. Every child is just who they are. It’s our job to help each one of our twins to see all the beauty and wonder in the person they are, just the way they are. No less and no more, than their same-age sibling.

This way they can feel proud and confident to be who they want to be, and appreciate others in the same way.