Sleep Associations

If your baby is used to falling asleep on you, they’ll become dependent on you to help every time they go to sleep and each time they wake and need re-settling. If a baby is rocked to sleep or is falling asleep while feeding, they wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn how to fall asleep on their own. These become strong sleep associations for your baby, and they learn to rely on them for settling. Which means they will rely on your help each time they wake up. Your coming into the room and picking them up each time to soothe them can take quite a toll on you. Furthermore, they learn to expect it, and are not likely to settle without your assistance.

With the guidance of RIE, an approach to putting your baby to sleep will involve respect, trust, patience, observation, and consistency.

Keep in mind what is the message you are giving your child. The message I wish to give the baby when I put them to sleep, is the same one I give them during the the day: I trust you, you are capable, I’m here if you need me. This translates into the following actions with sleep: I will maintain regular sleep times and consistent rituals. I will try and pick them up as little as possible if they wake up, and focus on settling them in bed using my voice and gentle touch. When a baby can predict what you’ll do each time you enter the room, it will be easier for them to accept your actions and they will cooperate with you more readily. Introducing independent sleep associations can help baby learn to settle on their own and feel safe in their bed.

Co-dependent sleep associations:

Feeding

Rocking

Swinging

Walking with baby in arms

Bouncing

Tapping

Singing

Independent sleep associations:

Dummy

Cuddly/lovey (from 7m according to Red Nose, Australia)

Swaddle/PJ

White noise

Dark room (preferably the same room every time)

Cot

Sleep ritual

Having a consistent sleep ritual is very effective for helping babies transition from wakeful to sleep. Once implemented, they recognise the steps and can mentally and emotionally prepare to go to sleep.

You can read more about sleep rituals here.

Choosing an age-appropriate settling technique that suits your baby’s temperaments and your parenting style - is key. Using the same technique for settling and re-settling will help the baby respond better to your settling efforts.

The more we communicate to the baby how capable and resourceful they are, the less scared and panicked they get when waking up. If, for example, when they wake up in tears we rush to the room and scoop them out of bed - we communicate to them we are practically “rescuing” them. They will then feel helpless, terrified and stressed out when their sleep is cut short. When a baby knows how to go to sleep and knows how to re-settle themselves back to sleep, they will feel confident doing that when sleep is disturbed.

While sleep associations can take some time to change, it’s always possible. Teaching your babies to self-settle can help them adopt new independent sleep associations that will empower them to settle, and re-settle, on their own.

Strong co-dependent sleep associations can also often lead to early morning wake-ups. You can read about why this occurs and how to fix this in my “5 Reasons for Early Morning Wake-ups” guide.

To find out about the right settling technique for you and your baby, book your sleep consultation package or a free discovery call today.