Managing Expectations with twins

Expecting twins and managing expectation

Whether you were expecting twins or it's a complete shock - having twins comes with a different set of expectations than singleton pregnancies.

Here are some of the common expectations I've come across over the years:

• The pregnancy is going to be challenging

• Twins will be born early

• Sleep is going to be a thing of the past

• Breastfeeding might not work

• Partners will need to be more involved

• Older kids will be jealous

• The twins will be best friends

• Twins need to be on a schedule

• You will never have a moment to rest

While some of these might resonate with you more than others, and surely you will have your own expectations that aren't on this list, the important thing I share with twin families is this:

If expectations stress you out, it's best to pause, breathe, and focus on the little steps.

What do I mean?

Worrying right now about everything that is out of your control will only add to the level of anxiety and stress. So I like to sit with the parents, address one expectation at a time, and identify how we can best prepare for each scenario.

What will make this particular concern or scenario easier for you to manage? What would you need to handle it in the best way? Why is this stressing you out or worrying you? Why do you want things to be one way, or another?

The fact is, every family has its own dynamics, needs, and particular set of skills and strengths for approaching parenting. And if we tune out the external noise and focus on what can be done in a way that suits you and your family, a lot of stress and anxiety can be reduced.

Manageable goals for the first months with twins

Once babies are here, I like to offer my newborn mothers to focus on 3 goals a day. These can be small, and I like to divide them into 3 different categories:

• 1 goal for the babies

• 1 goal for the family/household

• 1 goal just for you!

A goal for the babies can be: spending one-on-one time, successful feed, successful nap, time outside, mat-time, reading a book, etc. Only one thing that will help you see the gigantic process you are actually making.

A goal for the family/household can be: folding a bit of laundry, taking the dog out, spending time with the other children, loading the dishwasher, having dinner with a partner, preparing the shopping list, etc.

And a goal for you can be: Drinking a hot drink, having a bath/shower, talking with a friend, listening to a favourite song, eating something yummy, taking a few moments to check your social media/unwind, clipping/ painting your nails, or resting.

Once you know that expectations are reduced to a small, manageable size, anxiety levels subside. If you reach more goals - awesome! By focusing on small, achievable goals, you gradually add to your sense of peace, calm and a positive state of mind.

Sometimes, it's the small things that make the biggest difference in your day-to-day while caring for newborn twins. Because you can't take care of others without taking care of yourself.

If you’d like to get more support before your twins are here, book a prenatal support consultation below.

Or if your twins are already here, book a free 15-min discovery call to find out how my postpartum support package can help you and your family.