Twin Parents' Guilt

It’s common for parents of multiples to feel guilty for not being able to meet their babies’ needs as promptly as they would like, not spending as much quality time with each baby, or being less available for their older children.

Some may feel disappointed or frustrated that they won’t meet certain parental expectations, such as breastfeeding, baby wearing, sleeping arrangements, etc. This can be particularly challenging for parents of singletons who have had the opportunity to experience a different kind of parenting. If you are an attachment parent, or always wanted to be one, envisioning the dynamic with two babies can be stress-inducing to some.

Twin parents can still be attachment parents. Responsiveness, attunement and affections do not mean babies will never cry, or that if they do, you are not loving and caring. While twins learn early on that waiting is part of their reality, they nevertheless learn to count on their parent sot be there for them, and have their needs met as soon as possible. Your twin can still be securely attached to you even if they need to wait for you to finish dressing up their co-twin, prepare a meal, go to the toilet or settle their same-age sibling to sleep.

Talking about your feelings and expressing your thoughts, concerns, and frustrations, can help make space for your experiences and adjust to twin parenthood. Some things may be possible to achieve later, and some may need to be let go. Coming to terms with this reality can be confronting, and taking your time to adjust to the new possibilities ahead is key. It’s a personal process, and everyone faces it differently.

While processing feelings is important and healing, letting go of guilt for not being able to do things which are out of your control can help you focus on the things you can do and offer for your twin family.

Be kind to your self, and remember that your best is the BEST.